There’s this show on A&E called “Private Sessions” that I seem to only see at around four in the morning.  It’s some female host interviewing bands and then the band plays a few songs too.  Last night, or if you’re that guy, this morning, the band that was on was the Counting Crows.  However the only one being interviewed was Adam Duritz (the singer).

Adam was talking about how the band got started, and basically he told a story about a few bands he was in at first and then starting to do open mic’s with the another member of Counting Crows.  There was this line he said that kind of struck me.  He explained that he was scared being in his 20’s and not really knowing what he was doing, and then he just came to the conclusion one day, “I’m a musician, period.”

Lately not a day goes by that I don’t feel the same way.  I haven’t held a single job for more than 8 months.  I haven’t lived in one place for more than 8 months in the last few years.  I’m about to turn 23 and I don’t really have any plans for the next few years.  I don’t know where I’m going to apply for a job, I don’t know where I will be living in September.

Last night we had a reception for my brother and his wife in New York since the wedding was originally in North Carolina.   There was a ton of family there and it was really bothering me having to talk to these people I haven’t seen in years about what I’m “up to now.”  I realized that there really isn’t anything new with me.  For a lot of those family members I saw last night, I’m in the same situation I was the last time we “caught up.”  I’m a college dropout with no job.

I also realized something else after going through all these thoughts.  When I did get a job, nothing changed, and the next job I get, nothing is going to change.  Having some job to pay my bills isn’t going to make me feel like anything is new or special in my life.  It makes no difference to me what-so-ever.

Hearing what Adam Duritz said last night was just what I needed to hear.  I needed that.  I am constantly questioning myself and what the hell I’m doing with my life.  But now I know… I’m a musician, period.  Nothing will change that.  Some musician’s break, like Adam.  Some don’t.  But it doesn’t change the fact that a musician is a musician.

I know no matter what happens in my life, I will always be a musician, whether I’m touring the country for the rest of my life in a successful band, playing a weekly gig at some bar, teaching kids to play guitar, whatever.  I’m a musician.

Just a side note too, I’ve always had a lot of respect for Adam Duritz.  I only have “August and Everything After.” but those songs on that album are in my opinion some of the most well written songs to come out of the 90s.

It’s good to be back.

Currently Listening to

Lydia – Illuminate